Halloween will be here before you know it, and if you don’t start planning ahead soon you’ll be staring at the end of October without a respectable costume in place. And what’s the point of going to parties and disemboweling pumpkins if you can’t do it wearing a costume?
At the very least, you need some kind of fake mustache to slap on your face before you go nuts with a knife and start scaring the souls out of children. So, without further ado, here are the top 10 Halloween costumes with mustaches we could track down while our kids were distracted with Halloweentown and Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge.
10. Albert Einstein
This Halloween, why not unleash your inner genius with an easy-to-manage Albert Einstein costume? Pulling off an Einstein isn’t all that difficult; as long as you’ve got a mad scientist wig and a mustache to match, you can throw on any old lab coat or rumpled sweater and you’ll be good to go. CarbonCostume.com recommends the addition of a pipe, but unless you know of homes in the neighborhood that are handing out free tobacco, you can probably skip it for trick-or-treating. The key here is really the zany hair and ‘stache. Got a pet? Dress it up to match; it won’t mind at all!
If you’re feeling particularly lazy and concerned about not being recognized for the brilliant man you truly are (pretending to be), you can always just write “E=mc2” somewhere on your outfit – as did the parents of this poor baby. Most people should then be able to make the connection. If they don’t, they’re probably just too drunk. Ignore them. You look great.
9. Teddy Roosevelt
Another great Halloween costume option with a mustache is the late great Teddy Roosevelt. Spanish-American War combatant and the 26th U.S. president. His classic walrus ‘stache and pince-nez are instantly recognizable; add khakis, a neck kerchief, and a wide-brim hat for the full Rough Rider effect. (Horse and sword optional.)
You could also take your Halloween shenanigans in a more elegant direction by dressing up in President Teddy fashion, trading the khaki getup for a black frock coat and perhaps a top hat. You still need the mustache and glasses, however. And whichever angle you choose for your Teddy impression, don’t forget to speak softly and carry a big stick with you.
If you need any interesting trivia to spice up your party story, just remind people that you’re the guy who got shot in the chest by a would-be assassin while on the campaign trail in 1912 – and then proceeded to deliver your speech with a bullet from a Colt revolver inside your bleeding body. “Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible,” Teddy said, nonchalantly opening what was quite possibly the world’s manliest speech ever. “I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot.”
8. Cap’n Crunch
Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch is famous for his work since 1963 as the plucky mascot for sugary-corn breakfast cereal Cap’n Crunch. This cartoon character can’t be faithfully reproduced without a big bushy white mustache, but if you give this one a shot you’re also going to need a believable blue navy captain’s suit to go along. Pay attention to the stripes on that sleeve; four’s the proper number if you prefer to avoid accusations that you’re nothing but a mere commander.
Shelly at TheDomesticHeart.com designed and constructed a really great DIY costume that you can copy. This one will probably require more than a little skill with a sewing machine, so if you’re not especially handy with needles and patterns perhaps it’s time to find a significant other who is.
Once you’re all costumed up it’s time to go shopping, maybe for some of that limited-edition Halloween Crunch. Or Cheerios, if you’re this guy:
7. Colonel Sanders
You don’t have to like chicken for this one, but it sure helps. The honorary colonel who founded Kentucky Fried Chicken is pretty easy to imitate. Toss on a white suit, a white ‘stache, and a black string tie, and then order up a big bucket of KFC. Congratulations, you are the one and only Colonel Harland Sanders! Don’t forget to let everyone know that you’re a grade-school dropout and failed jack-of-all-trades who once brawled with his own client in a courtroom and later partook in a shootout with a competitor. Oh, and that after you sold KFC you sued for the right to open an Original Recipe chicken restaurant.
Also, since Sanders was a notoriously profane man, you’ll need to make sure you’re swearing up a nonstop cuss-storm while you’re out trick-or-treating or mingling with the commoners at a Halloween party. Otherwise, it just won’t seem legitimate, you know?
6. Ron Swanson
Nick Offerman’s Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation is one of those iconic characters that are hard to forget. Slacks, some kind of polo or coat, maybe a wristwatch – the mustache, of course – and bam, you’ve got a great Ron going on. Take along a whittler’s knife for good measure, but maybe be judicious about who you show it to.
If you want to be really meta, you could dress up as Ron Swanson dressed up as a pirate for Halloween. That’s the kind of brilliance that’ll definitely get you some extra candy.
By the way, know what happens when you take a man like Ron Swanson and strip him of his mustache? People start hating your face:
5. Freddie Mercury
How could we not mention legendary Queen frontman Freddie Mercury in a list about Halloween costumes with mustaches? Freddie’s ‘stache was one of the most epic of all ‘staches in rock history, and without too much trouble you can spend an evening yelling “We will rock you!” at everyone you meet. Katy Perry rocked this outfit several years back, and now it’s your turn.
CBS Local has a great selection of ideas for filling out your Freddie Mercury costume. To really make this costume sing, though, you might want to add a realistic set of teeth like this terrifying piece of work from Dr. Bukk.
4. Alex Trebek
Jeopardy! host and king of droll TVspeak Alex Trebek would be a classic pick for a Halloween costume. Pretty much all you need is a full suit, a full head of hair, and a nice full mustache to match. You might also need a sign around your neck that says “I am Alex Trebek,” depending on how closely you’re able to match his wardrobe and/or get plastic surgery.
Now here’s the thing. You can do Alex Trebek without the mustache if you really want to, like the man above on the left did. But why would you? That would be like writing Jeopardy! without the exclamation point; suddenly it feels like something’s missing.
The answer is obvious, right? Be like the man above on the right. Stop letting your fans decide, Alex, and definitely don’t pay any attention to Playboy’s sexy Alex Trebek costume, which is also missing the iconic mustache (SFW).
3. The Mario Brothers
It’s hard to mess up a Mario Brothers costume, but if you’re interested in giving it a shot, your best bet would probably be to forget the mustache. These enterprising plumbers just aren’t complete in their powers without hair on their upper lips.
Kendall Jenner pulled off a pretty good Luigi in 2014, complete with drawn-on mustache. If you’ve got kids and want to annoy them, Instructables has an adorable guide for dressing them up as the video-game brothers.
There are plenty of places online where you can find readymade outfits for both kids and adults. Including Toys ‘R’ Us, which features several varieties of both Mario and Luigi and… hold on. Girl Mario and Girl Luigi with skirts and mustaches on sticks? What’s going on here, Toys ‘R’ Us?
Oh no, it’s spreading!
Alexandra Petri of The Washington Post came up with some funny costume ideas in her article “2014’s top 21 topical Halloween costumes.” Along with other tongue-in-cheek suggestions like Gluten and Midterm Election, Petri proposes trick-or-treating as a Lyft car. Her recommendation? “Put on a fake mustache and spend the whole evening offering strangers rides.” For easy recognition, make sure said mustache is pink. Your choice if you go with the original furry version or the glowstache upgrade.
Quoted advises carrying around pink star balloons to represent the Lyft driver’s rating, and even riding around on a rented Segway. If you’re planning to drink at a party, just remember to have your designated Halloween driver ready to give you and your Lyft costume a lift home. Don’t drink and drive, people.
1. The Super ‘Stache
And now, our final exhibit! This Halloween costume with a mustache is… just a big mustache. Yep, the hair’s the whole shebang when it comes to the Super ‘Stache, a costume developed by New Jersey’s Rasta Imposta in 2014. It’s literally just a giant mustache that you can bend into hilarious contortions, and it comes in three super sizes – 20 inches, 30 inches, and a massive 60 inches – with various color and style options. (Related/horrifying: the mustache dress.)
Robert and Tina Berman, owners of Rasta Imposta, didn’t dream up this creative mustache costume themselves. That credit goes to their daughter Charlotte, who came up with the idea at the dinner table one evening. After she drew up her design, Robert went back to the factory that very night and whipped up the first Super ‘Stache. The family later obtained a patent for the creation and managed to get the medium size stocked at a Walmart store near you. Nice work, kid!
So there you have it – 10 great Halloween costumes with mustaches, most of which you should be able to scrape together without too much trouble between now and when the Great Pumpkin appears in your local patch.
If you liked our list, let us know in the comments and then share it with a few friends who need ideas. Mustaches forever!