Today on Internet Beard Funnies, we’d like to walk you through some various aspects of all things humorous and beard. Here you shall find not even a hint of disrespect for that most incredible mark of manliness, oh, no; we’re all about esteeming the glory in these 23 beard memes. To spark your beard growth, with greatest respect and a bit of tongue in cheek, let’s get started, shall we?
The Memes You Clicked the Link to See
1. Beard Rule #1
Respect. It’s earned, never assumed but always expected for the perseverant bearded man. So to those who do the work of maintaining a good show of their masculinity, tip your hat in acknowledgement and appreciation. (Note to all non-bearded persons: It is considered highly offensive to touch, fondle, or otherwise engage a man’s face fur without his invitation, permission, or consent. Again we say, “Respect the beard!”)
2. The beard has long been considered a natural gauge of manliness.
Men and women alike instinctively regard beards as the telltale signs of maturity and competence. (I don’t know what it says about a woman who has a beard. Probably that she’s too BA to be “like the other girls.”)
While debates rage on about the effectiveness of stubble, short beards, and full-on aspirations to the legendary three-footer, one thing is universally acknowledged: beards sure don’t make a man prissier. Some might say go big or go home, and others might be keeping an eye to not overdo things. Whichever camp you fall into, I say more power to you all, brothers. Beard on, however you do it.
3. A simple fact:
There just ain’t much more to it, is there? This ties back to Rule #1 and Respect, gentlemen; beards are either appreciated, or the lookers-on are out of their minds. A moment of silence for the deluded and the discriminatory…
But who would we be to say that there is no hope for such lost souls? I certainly don’t want to think of redemption as a pipe dream. So here’s a good word for the searchers looking for an escape from the darkness of close-mindedness:
4. Acquired Taste
It’s not the beard; it’s you. In order to achieve Beard Enlightenment, just quit being a stuck-up jerk. All of that loyalty to values of the clean-shaven and your meticulous attention to the way of the razor won’t bring you joy the way a beard will. Let go and let grow. Nourish it, cherish it . . . now strut.
5. Don’t Be The Guy On The Right
The transformative power of a beard works to enhance masculine appearance, yes. But, sadly, the reverse is true as well. You can go from a stern and hardened sea captain to momma’s baby boy on school picture day in the mere minutes it takes to desecrate your face with a razor and cream. So have a think about that, my friend. Have a good long think.
6. A Gift
A gift, my friend. Who are you, who am I, to question the fate dealt to all who are capable of sporting beards? Do we dare to risk angering the natural course of the universe by interfering with its intentions? It is much better, I believe, to accept the blessing with gladness and to be a good steward of the responsibility that comes with it.
With the positively endless possibilities for beard shape, size, and effect on a roomful of envious onlookers, you should never be able to say your beard couldn’t satisfy your style. Be daring, sir! Grow that face fur out the way you’ve always fantasized about doing. But I do feel I should caution you once more, “With great beard comes great responsibility.”
8. All in the beard
Just ask Mr. DiCaprio.
It is no secret whatsoever that ladies like a man with at least a bit of scruff. A little more never hurt. And a great deal more can usually turn a few more heads. Just be prepared for the open staring. It’s okay to bask a little.
10. How to gauge the manliness of your beard
You should feel free to measure your own beard, inch by inch, as it grows. But there’s a t-shirt for that, in case you are interested. Chart your progress from manly to lumberjackly to godly with this handy-dandy ruler slapped against your chest.
You can buy one of these badass shirts here.
11. All you need is no one else’s approval.
Ever. You don’t. I’m serious. Quit asking them if they like it. You grew it, you groomed it, now get to the part where you glory in it.
12. Women and Children
We can’t expect boys to behave like men, now can we? It’s up to the men to lead by example. So exemplify, gentlemen. The world needs your guidance.
Then again, there seems to always be that one friend who just doesn’t understand. For him, we have a great deal of pity…just not an unlimited amount. Sometimes it’s necessary to “shake the dust from your feet.”
Shake it off.
14. Like a Baby
The only other option in dealing with such nonsense leads to piercing regret. If the pestering keeps up long enough, you might cave. One morning, you do it; you shave it all off. And then you see your reflection…
Don’t do it, man. I mean, there’s always forgiveness from mother nature that comes in the form of a new beard growing in, but what a waste to shave it off in the first place.
15. Not a Trend
But don’t you ever give in. Say it loudly, and say it proudly; shout it from the rooftops…
It’s a fixture for your face. It’s meant to be a recognizable feature, and you don’t just shave off such a thing. Constancy of character and beard are essential ingredients for manhood.
16. Stand your Ground
Make your stance known to the world. No matter the opposition or odds…
This is Sparta! Or your version of it.
17. Stay for the Beard
Constancy and fidelity are the bywords of the bearded. A well-kept beard is a sign of faithfulness and attentiveness. Ladies know this.
Hold your wife and beard close to you. Protect them at all costs, and they will be yours to cherish for a lifetime.
18. Working Beards
You remember how it has been said that “beards are unprofessional”? Rubbish and hogwash, of course. May I use my soapbox here to just say…
Why is this not a more widely accepted thing? Why is this still weird for some people? Does this man, adorned with such a beauteous and thickly grown specimen of beardage, look at all unprofessional to you? Let me just say that I would trust this man in the office, no second guessing.
As far as trustworthiness, there is a bit of a system that’s been worked out on how to assess the beards you might encounter.
I’ll leave it to you to decide. I think for all styles (except that last one, good grief) things might be better weighed and measured on a beard-by-beard basis.
Whichever way you wear it, manliness supersedes season and weather. Neither heat, nor chill, nor light, nor dark can undo the majesty of a good beard.
So true, manliness is not seasonal. Manliness is eternal. And only the fearful and the naïve dare to question it.
21. Nice Beard
One of the perks to having a good beard is that everybody knows your name when you have a beard.
When you wear a beard, you earn the compliment.
What kind of a list would this be if we didn’t include at least one mention of boobs? There are many women who feel this way about a beard. If this isn’t reason enough to start growing your facial hair out I’m not sure we can help you.
23. Wear the Beard
Each man must make his own decision. For style, for length, to wax or not to wax. It’s not a job to be undertaken lightly. It’s a job that separates the boys and guys from the men and sirs.
Choose you this day whether you shall beard.
All of these memes were stolen from other clever people. We hope you enjoyed them. Feel free to share a good one with us or to leave a question or comment in the box below. Tell us what we are doing right. Unburden your soul of suggestions on what we could do better. Or share some good jokes, riddles, or puns; my repertoire is getting stale.