25 Ridiculous Beard Myths Debunked

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We’ve all heard them, been told them or have read about them on the internet.  Beard myths and folklore can make or break your beard growing career.  Here we tackle all of the myths we could find.

beard myths
Photo Credit: Flickr – Mike Mozart
  1. Beards are itchy (and uncomfortable all the time)

While it is true that when you first start growing your beard there is beard itch, it doesn’t last long.  There are also several things you can do to help reduce the irritation during those first few weeks.  We go into great detail in another article detailing some tips to relieve beard itch, so we won’t rehash it here, but the very basic key is exfoliation.

  1. You have to find a barber to trim your beard

Anyone who believes this myth has way too much money in their pocket.  Yes, barbers can be a fantastic resource for a beard trim. However, it’s easy to trim your own beard.  A good quality pair of hair scissors, like these, and these, and a little bit of time on your part will give you a nice trim that doesn’t take too much off or stop your beard hairs from growing.

  1. Shaving a beard will make it thicker

Your hair is your hair.  It’s as thick as it’s going to be.  Shaving will not change the density of your hair.  It will simply cut your hair shorter. This sort of equates to saying that if you mow your lawn it will come back more lush and green.  Who in the history of common sense has ever said that?

  1. Greying and multicolored beards look unappealing

Anytime the word “look”, “unappealing”, “attractiveness” or any other word that is subjective to the eye of the beholder is thrown around you can call it a myth.  Unappealing to who? Who decided that something so incredibly normal is unappealing? Salt and pepper hair color makes a man attractive according to leading popular dating sites, so why wouldn’t a salt and pepper beard have the same attractive look?  This sounds like high maintenance bullshit if you ask me.

  1. You won’t be able to land a job aka: You should shave for an interview

I’ve been on both sides of the interviewing table and let me tell you, never once have I felt that my beard would prevent me from getting the job nor have I been so focused on an interviewee’s beard that I automatically discounted them from the position.  How about this for a thought, you didn’t get the job because you weren’t qualified, not because you had a beard.

  1. A beard makes you look unattractive

Here we go again with the words “look” and “unattractive”.  The unspoken word is that women can’t be trusted to know what they want, so why would you fall for such a ridiculous statement. And have you seen some of the pictures dudes post of themselves? I’m fairly certain that we don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about us.

  1. A Beard has to be full to look handsome

There are 11 established “beard” styles in the world beard and mustache competition. Not all of them have a face full of hair and yet all of them are beards. It takes all kinds to make the world go round and while there are some styles that I wouldn’t put on my face I commend all men for taking part in the awesomeness of being a facial hair hero.

  1. Your beard has poop in it
epicbeard
Photo Credit: Flickr – Mike Mozart

Um, No.  If my beard has poop in it so does your hair. Regular washing makes sure to continue to put this myth to bed. I mean, what do people think is happening? Are guys running around and sticking just their beards in the toilet?  Why is this even a myth other than to try and shame men into thinking that beards are bad?

  1. It should only take 2 weeks to have a full, complete beard

Nothing worth doing looks complete in 2 to 3 weeks.  Try 2 to 3 months at the earliest for your beard to even begin to start looking complete.  And remember, “complete” all depends on the style you are going for.

  1. If my beard has not filled out by the time I’m 20 it never will

Patience young grasshopper.  Beards can, will, and do take time.  This myth is perpetuated by those poor bastards who don’t get something right on the first try and then assume they will never be good at whatever that something was. Your whole life is ahead of you, slow down, relax and let your beard grow. And wasn’t it Zig Ziglar who said, “anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly at first”? This applies to your beard.

  1. Beards are hot and too much in the summer

This myth, along with pretty much all the others listed here is also debunked.  Researchers have found that your beard hair can block anywhere from 50 – 95% of UV rays. The same study states that bearded faces consistently reduced the exposure ratio to approximately 1/3 of their hairless counterparts. It therefore is a better sunblock that that stuff you buy at the store and slather all over yourself. Also, it’s a way to create shade for your skin.  Much like it feels much cooler to be walking in the shade of a building in the blazing hot sun of the summer so too is the feeling your skin has underneath your beard.

  1. My significant other thinks my beard looks scruffy and belongs under a bridge

It might be time to replace the negativity in your life with someone who appreciates you for who you are. If your beard is scruffy looking there are ways to help tame it. First step, find a new girlfriend.

  1. A beard requires connectors between the upper and lower lip to look right

Wrong again! According to the world beard and mustache competition there are several styles that have separate mustache and beards.  The musketeer style is one that comes to mind.  And while it may only look like a mustache and a small tuft of hair under the lip it also has serious “I’m going to fuck you up”-ness too.

  1. Only dark beards look good

And they taste good too…oh, wait, we were talking beards not beers! Frankly, any color beard looks good.  It’s even thought that more men have some level of red in their beards due to genetics. Much like beer, everyone has their own preference and really if you don’t like the way your beard looks you can fix that with Just For Men.

  1. Most men don’t have beards and that means I won’t be accepted

Are you a high school girl? It is true that most men have decided to be clean shaven, but that wasn’t the way it used to be. With the feminization of men taking place over the last few decades we men who dare to grow a beard stick out. We are happy to be the only one in a room with a beard, but we are also just as happy to have another bearded man or two to chat with too. But really, we are men; And real men don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks.

  1. There are products and pills that will make me sprout the beard of my dreams overnight.

Look, I don’t really know how to put this. BEARDS TAKE TIME.  There, I said it, again. Now, there are products that are designed specifically for men and their beards that help with making sure you have the best vitamins, minerals, proteins and hormones in your body to ensure that your beard hair has the best chance of growing.  But, and I will repeat myself here, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT.  There is no magic pill that will allow you to wake up with a beard of awesomeness. Beards are earned, with care and with time.

  1. My ID has me clean shaven, therefore I will be unidentifiable while traveling.

If a woman cuts her hair short will she also not be able to travel? ID checkers are looking for obvious fakes, not someone who has grown hair or not.  If they ID checker is even halfway decent at their job they can figure out that you are who you and your picture say you are.

  1. Patchy spots on my beard mean I will never be able to grow a full beard

Either give those spots time to grow or try a style that doesn’t require your cheeks to fill out.  Chinstrap, goatee, fu manchu, musketeer are 4 styles that come to mind. Or hey, try your hand at a mustache. Even famous people deal with this issue and it doesn’t slow them down at all. Check out Keanu Reeves and Johnny Depp. They don’t give a damn what their beard is doing and know that time will fill in their patch spots.

  1. When I grow out my beard it looks wiry and unattractive

And there we go again with that word. Grow a pair and grow the beard that you want.  As mentioned in an earlier myth, there are products out there that can help with some natural beard traits. A good quality beard oil, beard balm and beard wax can fix a wiry beard.  Usually, a wiry beard means there is some nutrient your beard is missing and beard oriented products can help with that.

  1. My beard will grow the same length and rate
Photo Credit: Flickr - Mike Mozart
Photo Credit: Flickr – Mike Mozart

Should? Maybe. Do? Now that’s a different story.  Genetics will almost always get in the way here.  Your body is what decides your beard’s growth rate, not the fact that you are trying to grow a beard.

  1. All beards enhance the wearer’s appearance

Rock whatever beard style you want, but there are some styles that compliment different face shapes. There are many resources out there that give this information so a quick google search will help you find the right style for you. Or you could buck all trends and walk your own path. Either way is the manly way.

  1. A ‘corporate beard’ is less hassle than shaving daily

I’m not entirely sure what a corporate beard is, but I imagine that it requires a heck of a lot of grooming.  Work with me on this, trimmers to keep the beard close to the face, a razor or additional trimmer to make sure that your beard lines are straight.  Oil, balms or wax to help the hairs lay in the right direction and not “present a scraggly appearance” or some other BS like that.  Does that sound like less maintenance than shaving? Don’t get me wrong, if you like that style then rock the shit out of it, but don’t try to kid yourself that it’s less maintenance than picking up your razor and hacking away at your face.

  1. My beard and hair will grey at the same time

Ah, father time, thou art a heartless bastard. No, your beard and your head will not grey at the same time. All the hairs on your head do go grey at the same time. It’s not like one day you will wake up and all of a sudden your head and beard is full of grey hairs. Some men will go grey in patches on their hair and their beards. Others will salt and pepper until there is more salt than pepper. Genetics play a huge role in what happens here.

  1. I can train my beard to grow differently

Again, a false belief.  Gasp! But there are competitions out there that have categories for such things! Alas, you can style your beard to temporarily stick the way you want it to but that requires time and styling. Ask anyone in the World beard and mustache championships if their beard grew in that perfect shape and they will most likely tell you how much work went into a beard that looks the way theirs does.

  1. Beards make you look like a Viking God

Ok, this one may be true. A beard is known to give a man instant authority on whatever subject he is talking about. It is also a symbol of protection and strength. We will bow down to this “myth” and in the words of two very awesome bearded dudes, say this one is “plausible”.

Which beard myth were you most surprised about?  Let us know in the comments section and feel free to add your own myth that we missed.

Sources:
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/categories/
http://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/health/the-beard-as-sunscreen-20130523
https://www.baldingbeards.com/beard-myths/
https://monsterbeardcare.com/blogs/news/34560708-7-beard-myths
https://www.google.com/search?q=celebrities+with+patchy+beards
https://www.flickr.com/photos/jeepersmedia
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Mr. Wood has been growing a beard since he could first sprout facial hair. He lives with his wife, two boys and a mentally unstable dog. He loves to be outdoors and thinks that the best stories start with "Here, hold my beer..."

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