7 Celebrities Who Can’t Grow Beards – Bank But No Beards


They’re all making big bucks, but check out these seven celebrities who can’t grow beards.

can't grow beards

Just for laughs, scope out these seven celebrities who can’t grow beards. This is one of those things that makes the rest of us mere mortals feel a little better. These dudes are all making huge bank, but they can’t grow a decent beard to save their lives.

It’s All So Sad For Them – But So Very Satisfying For The Rest Of Us

We’ve got nothing against these guys. It’s not their fault. Some men just don’t have the genetics to pull off a decent beard. But for the majority of guys working their butts off every day to put food on the table, there’s something smugly satisfying about celebrities who can’t grow a real beard. They want so desperately to look cool but it just ain’t happening.

And before you start feeling sorry for these guys, just remember that most of them are usually surrounded by plenty of hot women, crappy beard or not. Did somebody just say money talks?

Seven Celebrities Who Can’t Grow Beards

  1. Michael Cera. Ever see the movie “Youth in Revolt”? Neither have we. But you should google it just to see what this guy looks like with a “mustache”, and we use that term loosely. What was he thinking? Let’s face it, some men can pull off a beard or mustache and some men can’t. Sorry to say, Michael Cera falls squarely in the latter category.
  2. Adam Brody. Here’s a nice looking guy who seems to want to commit facial suicide by attempting to grow a beard. The key word is ‘attempting’. His so-called beard isn’t doing him any favors or improving his looks in any conceivable way. Having said that, his hot girlfriend, Lorene Scafaria, seems very willing to put up with it.
  3. Emile Hirsch. Emile is another decent looking actor who, for some weird reason, thinks he looks better with a so-called beard. And it’s not just a skimpy beard, but one with very strange growth patterns. Most of it grows between his adam’s apple and chin. So he’s rocking a thinly haired Amish look, but that’s about it.
  4. James Franco. This guy hasn’t given up trying. Listen up guys, if you can’t grow a thick, lush beard, please don’t bother with the other thing because you only look ridiculous. Although, once again, here’s a guy who – crappy beard or not – is always surrounded by hot women.
  5. Shia LaBeouf. I mean, please dude, what are you thinking? Why do you even bother? Although there are some pics of him in which his beard looks amazingly lush and thick. Could there be some movie makeup involved? Can you say “Postiche”, Shia? It’s also been reported that he might have taken advantage of a facial hair transplant technique called Follicular Unit Extraction (FUE). In this process, men spend tens of thousands of dollars to transplant hair on their heads onto their faces. Good grief.
  6. Chris Pratt. He wears his “beard” proudly, although for the life of us we don’t know why. You’d think he’d be suffering from beard envy after looking at Nick Offerman’s manly beard for years on ‘Parks and Recreation.’
  7. Keanu Reeves. Okay, in “John Wick” he is running around with a “beard”. Kinda. It’s about half of a real beard but seems to be enough to give people the idea. Keanu is a handsome dude who just does not look good in his attempts at wearing a beard. Period.

There are others, of course, but these are seven celebrities who can’t grow beards. They’re well known and very well paid, they’re just not well-endowed. In the beard department. Why? What did you think we meant?

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Mr. Wood has been growing a beard since he could first sprout facial hair. He lives with his wife, two boys and a mentally unstable dog. He loves to be outdoors and thinks that the best stories start with "Here, hold my beer..."