What’s Movember All About?
If you’re still confused, you’re not alone. A lot of people are unaware that Movember (November) is the time when men grow moustaches (and/or beards) to raise awareness for men’s cancers, prostate and testicular cancers in particular.
The worthy goal of the Movember folks is to “change the face of men’s health.” And nothing changes a dude’s face like a gnarly moustache or beard. If you’re already sporting one, then you’re a leg up on the competition and good to go.
I’ve dedicated this post to the “Mo” (moustache) in Movember, but any facial hair worn in the spirit of awareness for men’s cancers qualifies as a Movember style.
For a fun look at Movember moustaches, check this video out from IAmAlphaM.
And in this YouTube video, Parks and Recreation actor Nick Offerman tells us how to grow a Movember moustache.
15 Cool and Trendy Movember ‘Stache Styles
From a big-ass Walrus to a simple toothbrush, here are 15 moustache styles that will put some mojo in your Movember.
This guy knows how to rock a ‘stache. Of all the moustaches in all the gin joints in all the world, the Magnum moustache exudes the most masculinity. It is luxuriant and almost, but not quite, too perfect. It’s just plain manly as hell.
It speaks of confidence and strength in a quiet, steady voice. Not only does Thomas Magnum have the thick hair, dimples and chiselled jaw that the rest of us only dream about, he’s also just a regular, likeable guy. I hate him.
His mustache, which is as close to perfect as a ‘stache can be, bootstrapped Tom Selleck into instant stardom. In the 1980s Selleck and his ‘stache rocketed to fame in the iconic detective series Magnum, P.I.
In this epic guy-fantasy show, Tom Magnum is a private eye living in an absent friend’s lavish estate on Oahu. Oh sure. And as if his looks, ‘stache and digs weren’t enough, he drives around in a Ferrari 308 GTS. Of course he does.
If Selleck had been unable to grow his famous mustache, an identical fake one would’ve been made for him to wear. That’s how well the show, the actor, and the ‘stache fit together.
The perfect looking mustache on the perfect looking guy living the perfect life. It’s for the alpha male who has it all. The rest of us poor slobs, mere mortals, could only watch him, green with envy, and fantasize about what it must be like to be Thomas Magnum.
There was only one thing we could do to compete with him back then, and we can still do it today. One not-so-small thing we can do to try and balance the scales. Grow a Magnum mostache for Movember.
Here’s how to sport your own Magnum mustache and show the world how badly the producers miscast their TV show.
Anyone up for highballs and a late-night soiree? The pencil mustache was the height of ‘30s urbane sophistication. Errol Flynn, Clark Gable, David Niven and dozens of other silver screen stars all sported them with great élan. But watch it Nigel, you dashing rake, don’t let your silk scarf wrap around the wire wheels of your Vincent sidecar (gulp).
The Pencil takes only a few days to pull off. It’s a retro look that’s making a big comeback, spearheaded by the likes of John Waters and Brad Pitt. This is a great ‘stache for the guy who doesn’t have a lot of facial hair. And it looks great when paired with white tie and tails. What say, shall I mix us up some sidecars? Nigel?
The classic circus strongman mustache is coming back stronger than ever. Get it? Moving on, the handlebar is a wonderful looking ‘stache. Bold, distinctive and flamboyant – but in a good way. Masculine yet dapper at the same time.
In the old days it wasn’t only for circus strongmen. It was also the mustache of choice for 1850s New York City gang members. Macho guys who all looked dapper in their handlebars and top hats, personified by Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York.
The Handlebar requires a fair amount of facial hair to look its best. And there’s a definite technique involved in styling this bad boy. If you don’t do it correctly, it just isn’t a handlebar and all your growing efforts will have been in vain.
Here’s an excellent YouTube video offering solid guidance on how to style and wax your Handlebar.
Hulk Hogan and about a million truckers personify this beefy mustache. It was also made famous a while back by Joe Namath. This look was popular in the late ‘60s and ‘70s, and has made a big comeback in the last decade or so.
The Horseshoe is one of those mustaches suitable only for guys well-endowed with plentiful facial hair. To look its best it should be worn as thick and full as possible. You want the ends of your heavy mustache to grow past the edges of your mouth and down to your jawline.
Although it should be thick, it does need trimming on a regular basis. You want to maintain its shape and not let it morph into something weird. Your chin and all other areas of your face must be absolutely free of hair. And don’t be surprised if, while you’re strutting around with this thing, somebody doesn’t challenge you to a bodyslam contest.
The Dali mustache, although iconic, is one you should think long and hard about growing. Why’s that, you ask naively? Seriously? First of all, it takes a certain kind of mustachioed daredevil to pull off this rather odd look without triggering a family intervention or being placed on prescription meds against your will.
But, hey, don’t let my opinion stop you if this is what you are so damn insistent on doing. Just go ahead and do it already. But I don’t want to hear any pissing and moaning when women run shrieking from the room at the sight of you. Seriously, if you want to let your inner exhibitionist out of the closet, go for it.
I have to admit, the Dali does say something special about the wearer. Yes, very special indeed. Unique and daring are just a few of the many adjectives people will be hurling your way. But it is, without a doubt, an iconic look. In fact, a few years ago it was voted the most famous mustache of all time. And, fortunately for you, Salvador Dali has actually revealed the secrets of his famous mustache.
This is a gigantic black-diamond mustache reserved for serious beardsmen only. It is a droopy, bushy, enormous growth that hangs down over your top lip and can sometimes cover your entire mouth.
This is a great mustache for independent, strong-willed, unconventional men. After all, you’d have to be, since you’re wearing the same ‘stache as a one-ton sea animal. It’s not a boardroom or banker’s office kind of mustache. But it’s great if you’re a long-haul trucker who doesn’t care what people think when you try to eat.
For the Walrus to work you need to have straight, coarse, heavy facial hair. But most guys don’t. If you fall into the latter category, you might want to think about growing a smaller ‘stache like the Magnum or one of the others listed here.
Actor Sam Elliott does a great job of capturing the essence of the traditional Cowboy mustache. These guys rode the range, camped under the stars, and rarely had time to think about their damn mustache, let alone trim it. Hence the rough-hewn, scraggly look.
The Cowboy mustache is a big, droopy affair that looks like the horseshoe mated with the walrus. Does anybody else think there’s something disturbing about that image? Anyway, it looks like a shorter version of the walrus, but with sides growing down past the mouth, like a short horseshoe. As with other big mustaches, the Cowboy requires a lot of facial hair to grow out full and lush.
8. Fu Manchu
Ah, yes, the insidious Dr. Fu Manchu. At last we meet again. Even with your evil disguise I know it’s you. Wanna know how? Well, of course it’s that creepy mustache, you big dope.
The Fu Manchu is a unique affair, and I have to admit it is oddly hip looking. Is that in spite of, or because of the way it gives it’s wearer a bizarre, cat-like appearance? I don’t have a clue. But I do know there’s a specific path you must follow to get this cool little mustache to look just right.
The Toothbrush mustache became popular at the turn of the 20th century as the younger generation’s response to earlier, much bulkier styles. Young Charlie Chaplin made this low-maintenance look popular. He wore it because it didn’t hide his comic facial expressions.
The Toothbrush slowly gained popularity, thanks to Chaplin and a few society swells in America. Unfortunately, a rather scary dude was amused by Chaplin and his little mustache and decided he should sport one, too. Who do you suppose that was? Show of hands. Anyone? Bueller?
Okay, put your hand down, I know you know who I’m talking about. After the rise and fall of Hitler, the mustache was blackballed by just about everybody for the next 60 years or so.
But in the last decade it’s been making a comeback, mainly because it’s easy to grow and care for. It should be no wider than the width of your nose, and it should cover the skin between the bottom of your nose and your upper lip. The length should be kept short.
This is another big, bushy mustache worn by somebody famous. In this case, it’s Kaiser Wilhelm II, Emperor of Germany. Can’t get much more Imperial than that. Here’s a guy who used to love strutting around in front of his motel room mirror wearing nothing more than his coat of medals, a haughty look, and men’s underwear!
The Imperial looks a little like a large, over the top handlebar but without the curls on the end. Instead, the thick, bushy ends are trained to grow upward. Ultimately, it requires a lot of patience and pomade to get it to grow properly.
The Shadow is the perfect mustache for guys who don’t have either a lot of time or a lot of facial hair. Or both. It’s one of the easiest mustaches to create and is getting to be a popular look among hipsters and Hollywood folks.
There should be no reason in the world why you can’t sport a Shadow for Movember, especially if you’re over 12. So no excuses, you slacker. Man up and show your support for men’s cancer awareness by growing this massive bad boy.
12. Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx, the quintessential jokester, sported a funny-looking fake ‘stache. Even if you can’t or don’t want to grow this look, which is actually called a Boxcar mustache, you have options. The fact is, almost anybody can pull off the Groucho look if they know the location of their nearest novelty store. The glasses, with attached eyebrows, nose and mustache are party classics.
Finally, if you can’t seem to come up with a Movember mustache of your own, you can always pick up a novelty Groucho mask with mustache and wear it to work. At least it will show your support for men’s cancer awareness. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.
Freddie Mercury, the frontman for Queen, rocked the perfect Chevron mustache. It’s a close cousin to the Magnum, although there are some significant differences that make both ‘staches unique.
A Chevron has a thinner overall look than the Magnum, and it extends further beyond the corners of the mouth. The slant from center to tips makes this ‘stache look much like the military chevron for which it is named.
This mustache is easy to care for and can be grown in about 4 weeks. Better get cracking if you want to be sporting this looker for Movember.
In spite of the odd name, this is a common, traditional American mustache. It’s much smaller than both the Magnum and the chevron but has characteristics of each.
The lampshade mustache is easy to grow and trim. It’s not a large, elaborate affair, so doesn’t require the wearer to have heavy facial hair. It slopes down toward the edges of the mouth from the center of the nose and has an even bottom that runs along the top of the lip. Sorta like a lampshade.
This mustache takes about 3 weeks to grow into its shape. That gives you enough time to have one started for this Movember.
15. Franz Josef
You can do anything you want with the Franz Josef, he won’t care (he died 100 years ago). You can keep it tightly trimmed or let it go hog wild. It’s just a question of how much craziness you want in your life. Essentially it’s a mustache that meets up with long, curving sideburns. The rest of the face remains clean shaven.
Franz Josef was emperor of Austria, King of Hungary and a bunch of other things from 1848 until 1916. A 68-year reign didn’t even put a dent in his mustache. He sported a giant FJ that looked more like today’s Friendly Muttonchops beard style.
Some people actually had the guts to tell him he was wearing a beard and not an overfed ‘stache. He had them “silenced with extreme prejudice” according to his terrified wife. She’s not saying he had them killed, but you know, just saying there was an extremely prejudicial end to the beard vs. mustache debate.
In any event, his mustache has survived him and is very much in vogue right now. Here’s a mesmerizing YouTube video in which an interesting gentleman, a Mr. Warren Makin, demonstrates how to shave around a large Franz Joseph.
The Movember Wrap-Up
And there you have it, my Movember-mustachioed soul brothers, 15 styles that will give you something to shoot for this Movember. I hope you’ve enjoyed our little stroll down mustache lane, and perhaps have learned a thing or two.
Like what, you ask insolently? Well, how about the fact that there were no-tell motels in 1880’s Germany (#10, above). Any other questions, Mr. Wiseguy?
Seriously, raising awareness for men’s cancers is a worthy cause. Did you know that young men between the ages of 18 and 35 are at the highest risk for testicular cancer? And even prostate cancer can strike younger men. By growing a mustache or beard, you will not only raise awareness for men’s cancers, but also look a lot cooler. That’s a tough combination to beat.
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