Analyzing the Trustworthiness of Beards

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You can tell a lot about a man by his beard style. Here are 23 unique beard styles that prove my point.

I found this clever beard style chart on Visually and thought I’d share it with you. Don’t worry, I made each section larger as you go down the post!

beard styles rated by trust
From Visually

From a classic full beard to a well known world leader I agree with the beard chart’s opinion on the levels of trustworthiness of beards.  Thankfully, most of the guys around me are neutral or better. As for mine, well, I’ll see if you can figure out where I fit in.

What I find most interesting, and maybe where my next blog idea comes from is all the faces are pictured without hair.  Do you think that would change the level of trustworthiness?

Without further ado, here are 23 beard styles rated by trust factor.

Very Trustworthy

beard styles rated by trust

  1. Full Beard. Santa Claus wears one and faithfully visits kids’ houses on the same day every year.
  2. The Philosopher. In Greco-Roman times men with long beards were considered to be philosophers – and dudes who could be trusted. Besides, when you are looking for some sage advice you go to the most trustworthy person you know; and if you happen to know a philosopher then he probably has a very long beard.
  3. Goatee + Mustache. Everybody trusts George Clooney, right? At least when he’s sporting this beard. Also, Iron Man sports this style.  Who doesn’t trust Iron Man?

Mildly Trustworthy

m-trust

  1. Full Mustache aka The Wilfred Brimley. This droopy sucker is always worn by someone mildly trustworthy, like the good Mr. Brimley. Plus, it makes me think of the guy from the “Diabetus” commercial.  I feel like I can trust him, but I’m not entirely sure.
  2. Cop Mustache aka The Burt Reynolds. The police and military style of well-trimmed ‘stache. Most cops are good, some are bad. This alone puts this in a mildly trustworthy state in my opinion.
  3. Chin Strap aka The Abe, The Lincoln. Abe made this beard famous and he was rather trustworthy. He grew it because a little girl told him he’d look better with a beard.  Anyone willing to grow a beard to make a little girl happy is trustworthy in our book.

Neutral

n-trust

 

  1. Sideburns. ‘70’s hipster, anyone? If they aren’t half lit they could be trusted.  Notice I said, IF!
  2. Friendly Chops. This look is coming back? Hmmm.
  3. Chin Tuft + Mustache aka The Colonel Sanders. The look that made Mr. Sanders “The Colonel.” I will always trust the Colonel to make me chicken. Not sure how much I’d trust him to fix my car.

Questionable

q-trust

  1. Mutton Chops. This look has slightly odd overtones. Serial killers and bad guys unite!
  2. Sans Mustache aka Amish Beard. Hot beard, but only if you’re in a horse drawn carriage. We know we can trust them with bread and furniture that doesn’t break; but their lack of technology makes me wonder if they work harder and not smarter?
  3. Curly Mustache aka The Handlebar. This ‘stache is often worn by old-time circus strongmen and barbershop quartet singers.

Unsavory

u-trust

  1. Goatee. This Svengali look always makes me want to check my wallet.
  2. The Horseshoe aka The Hogan. This one screams fake wrestling or a really angry chopper entrepreneur. I like the shows, but don’t think I’d trust them with my wallet.
  3. Chin Tuft. Favorite beard style of hipster con men everywhere.

Threatening

t-trust

  1. Unkempt Beard aka The Homeless Beard. Will work for razor blades.
  2. Neck Beard. No. Plain and simple. This looks like you let your chest hair overgrow so much it’s now on your face! If that doesn’t make you want to run away as fast as possible you may need to check your pulse.
  3. Soul Patch aka Landing Strip. Anybody wanna buy a knock-off Rolex?

Dangerous

d-trust

  1. Patchy Beard aka The Sidney Crosby. Goes great with murderous brawls, aka hockey games.
  2. Pencil Thin Chin Strap. Worn by 1980’s prison shiv-makers.
  3. Werewolf. Great look for midnight stalking and howling at the moon. While teen-wolf didn’t make anyone feel threatened, the werewolf I become when the moon comes out…. wait… I mean, nevermind.  Werewolf’s are dangerous.

Disastrous

disasterous-trust

  1. Pencil Thin Mustache aka The John Waters, The Joe Jackson. Hot mustache for ‘30s movie stars, otherwise totally disastrous.
  2. The Hitler. Don’t. Even today this mustache is still reviled and one of the most recognizable douche-mustaches you could ever possibly grow.

What are your thoughts? Would you rank them differently? Let me know in the comments.

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Mr. Wood has been growing a beard since he could first sprout facial hair. He lives with his wife, two boys and a mentally unstable dog. He loves to be outdoors and thinks that the best stories start with "Here, hold my beer..."